Monday, March 28, 2011

A Day At The Movies

at the end of Battle Los Angeles, i learned a few things.

1. Hollywood writes the corniest scenarios and lines.
2. even in times of war, with bullets flying and people dying, we can still fall in love.
3. when one retreats, another advances, endless push and pull cycle. harsh realities of life.

but more than that, the only thing after that i wanted was to play Counterstrike... or some other FPS game... like Battlefield or something.

and it brought me back to good ol' times, of times when i was 14, or 15, i dropped the arcade for the then trendy LAN gaming. me and my friends started playing Counterstrike rather earnestly and even when on to forming up a clan and playing in clan matches. it was mad fun, like real tactical ops and stuff. i never was a top fragger, what i love doing however, was strategies and tactics.

while the other kids were meeting up after school to do Geography projects, me and the guys would camp out at someone's house, and with the use of the internet, download the CS maps and drew up our own Terrorist/Counter-Terrorist tactics and camp zones. it was so detailed, we even had a jotter book for it (which i'm sure is lying somewhere around my room.)

i'll tell you this funny story of how once we had this clan match, 5v5 right, and the LAN shop screwed up, so both teams weren't sitting opposite each other but rather scattered.

after 5 rounds in, we were the Terrorists, it was as though the enemy had tapped into our radio and reading our movements right off the bat! something was fishy... like how could they read our moves so efficiently? then we realise, God Damnie, our enemy was sitted beside us and ghosting our chat. so i gave the order to follow the third command. and it went alittle something like that.

(spams chat)
chiong left
chiong left
chiong right
chiong left
chiong left
chiong left

and the enemy sucked it. we then proceeded to jumble up the chat even more with more bogus chats. the command was given, followed the 5th order, and the chat would go ballistic with like all of us spamming it at one go, and the team would follow my fifth command... it went something like that,

chiong left
down here nasi lemak very expensive, $2.50 one plate
down here nasi lemak very expensive, $2.50 one plate
down here nasi lemak very expensive, $2.50 one plate
chiong left
chiong right
chiong left
chiong left
chiong left
chiong right
down here nasi lemak very expensive, $2.50 one plate
down here nasi lemak very expensive, $2.50 one plate
down here nasi lemak very expensive, $2.50 one plate
down here nasi lemak very expensive, $2.50 one plate

enemy sucked it again. it was a truly memorable victory. i'm sure the rest of the guys remember it up to this day.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Capable Cape Crusader

it is what i do.
i run from people who are getting closer.
it is what i do.
i run from people, because they seem to like almost be begging for my attention.
it is what i do.
i have words that i feel, really need to be heard, and then it doesn't get heard, and i get desperate, which transform into anger and a real inability to control my temper.
it is what i do.
i have so many things that i want to do, but they never get done, because i'm always bounded by limitations.
it is what i do.
i run from people who show me the slightest bit of affection, then ask of it, from people who have none.
it is what i do.
i run from my life, because i'm terrified of human and social relations.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Facts Vs Romance

the rumour mills are running rampant. lots of shit thrown back and forth over the shocking dismissal, or "i'm not gonna fire you, you better resign yourself.", of Miss Fors from SCOGA. i personally have something to say, not to prove a point as one third of the cockney trio called Team Xialan, but i would like to say something, in support of my friend. because that's what friends do, they stand by each other and share the last cookie with.

these are the facts, so you may squash the assumptions because they make an ass out of you and me.

FACT.

1. Team Xialan is very handsome.

2. Miss Fors was signed to Team Xialan because we were grieving over the failed acquisition of PEIQIN.

3. Miss Fors's primary role was to ultra direct all future Team Xialan YouTube promotional videos, maintain our various social media platforms, and act as a third anchor when we shoutcasted Fighting Game events.

4. Miss Fors contributed to Team Xialan's poetry week.

5. Miss Fors updated the blog with her own ramblings which was all good, which was what we asked of her to do.

6. i do not see how writing poetry and learning to do a shoutcast on a live stream for Street Fighter alongside the great Farp himself conflicts with Cyber-Wellness directives.

7. Members of SCOGA were laughing the loudest at this so called event we were accused of wreaking havoc at, smiling and shaking our hands, then very professionally going behind our backs to conduct an AAR (without us, the accused) pinpointing faults with myself and the team, yet denying us the chance to tell them in their faces that they were fuckups themselves.

8. Team Xialan does not sell drugs.

9. Miss Fors was not hired to sell drugs.

10. Neither was Miss Fors hired to flash her panties at our events in order to bring awareness to Fighting Games.

11. SCOGA did not kick start the Fighting Game Community in Singapore, Tien Lang did, since 2008.

Monday, March 21, 2011

The truth

Miss Fors Firedragon was today fired from Singapore’s Cybersports and Online Gaming Association. Her severance was delivered in form of an email from chairman and president Nicholas Aaron Khoo. The email itself was a response to another sent nearly two months ago, in which Miss Fors expressed her interest in helping SCOGA with cyber wellness directives and the coming games expo Licence2Play.

Instead of getting an answer, Miss Fors was told that she had resigned from SCOGA following the conclusion of last year’s Singapore GameFEST (SGF), and that the other reason for her termination was the public persona she has as a part of fighting-game commentators Team Xialan. In short, the email said K THNX BYE. Miss Fors has never received any sort of termination or tendered any resignation up till today. If she had been sacked earlier, nobody told her anything.

Anyway, Miss Fors remains unconvinced that her termination was because of her inability to contribute to the cyber wellness directive.

SCOGA and Team Xialan have had bad blood between them since SGF 2010. As organisers, SCOGA did not initiate any after action reviews with Team Xialan. Team Xialan has not deigned to defend themselves either. Both parties have thus kept their negative opinions of each other.

Miss Fors has also had a secret romantic encounter with a member of SCOGA’s exco. IT WAS A BAD MISTAKE AND SHE FULLY ACKNOWLEDGES IT. Their breakup was messy and resulted in said member disliking her. To make matters worse, Miss Fors’s current squeeze (as if you didn’t already know) is a founding member of Team XL. As a result, it comes as no surprise that the ex-SCOGA-boyfriend has been pouring poison into select SCOGA ears.

Has Miss Fors been wrongfully terminated? You decide.



Read more about Miss Fors’ feelings, thoughts, and other dirty secrets (like who her ex scoga bf is) on this matter at her blog

Miss Fors has also spoken to The Mana Pot about this incident.

Food Xialan Episode 2: In Memorium - Stupid Auntie



Maggie Thai, better known as Stupid Auntie Restaurant


To add on to Jon's excellent Food Xialan idea, this is Vx reporting back from the land of the dead and the damned (also known as Azeroth).


Known and patronised by the Bugis Marvel players on a weekly basis since we first moved to bugis in 2002, it's an oft quoted statement that we were the ones who paid for their renovations and upgrades. What started off as dinner at just another zhi char stall (JAZCS) soon became a 8 year long love-hate relationship with Stupid Auntie Zhi Char (SAZC).

Featuring legendary wait-staff such as KFC-Auntie (known as such both because of the "I'm Dead" KFC spoof t-shirt and an original Chicky Club t-shirt that she wore), Stupid Auntie truly lived up to it's name. Notable incidents include KFC-Auntie's absolute inability to get anything right. She constantly refuses to collect payment separately for multiple diners because her processing power is limited to one numerical figure at a time.

True Story, there was once two dagamers went there, ordered a $5 dish each, and tried to pay separately with a $10 note. They were soundly rejected because KFC-Auntie could not process the numbers.

And then of course there was the legendary Day of Horfun. When four dagamers went there, and tried to order their food.

Vx: "Hor fun"

Ljnel: "Jiang chong ji rou fan"

KFC-Auntie: "Okay, so hor fun liang ge"

Ljnel: "No auntie, one hor fun, one jiang chong ji rou fan"

KFC-Auntie: "OKAY OKAY"

3rd Gamer: "Jiang chong niu rou fan"

4th Gamer: "Jiang chong ji rou fan"

KFC-Auntie: "OK OK"

Vx to the rest: "Fuck all of you, you better check your orders"

to KFC-Auntie: "Auntie wo men jiao shen me"

KFC-Auntie: "WO DONG WO DONG, SHI GE HOR FUN!"

....a five minute pantomime follows, with each dagamer repeating their order multiple times, only to get rebuffed with multiple numbers of hor fun. After 5 minutes, she finally gets done writing the correct orders down.

When the food was served, GUESS WHAT. We all got fucking hor fun, because god dammit. You do not mess with KFC-Auntie when she declares National Hor Fun day.


Flash forward to 2011.

Last Friday happened to be Thambi aka Airconman aka Gamerbee's 21st birthday, so we decided to sojourn to a place of legend for dinner. Alas, as we arrived at the end of Liang Seah Street we found that Stupid Auntie was no more.

No longer were we accosted on the street as we tried to walk past, with the cries of "LIU WEN ZHENG! LIU WEN ZHENG!" Instead, we had to walk in ourselves and sit our own asses at a table. The menu wasn't on the table, nor did any slave appear to serve us. After helping myself to a menu, it took awhile for me to summon the attentions of a serving wench. Gone were the days of the various Stupid Aunties hovering over your shoulder while you looked at the menu, making inane and often nonsensical comments. Instead a pinoy/thai/vn woman appeared, and couldn't take our orders because she didn't understand what "shen mian" on the menu meant.

The food took ages to arrive, and i do mean ages. We were so tilt we ordered and finished a bottle of beer before our food appeared. The food was decidedly sub-par, which was in line with the continually dropping standard of the food there over the years. However it now lacked a certain something. Eating there no longer evoked feelings of nostalgia for dogging days gone by, memories of bugisdog birthday celebrations, of tilting and boosting. Now the bad food was just... bad.


R.I.P. Stupid Auntie Restaurant, we most certainly will not be dining there again.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

plausible

of course, nobody admits to flaws. nobody admits to being wrong, ugly and stupidly out of place. nobody wanted to be abandoned, but are the same reasons for such reckless behaviour. nobody claims to be a saint, but are always out there with words to blame, criticism after criticism, it only goes to show the world was constructed on the principles of deceit and hate. no heroes in this sky, blue not gray.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

MVC3 Singapore: First Look Coverage By Team Xialan



4 weeks into the launch of Marvel Vs Capcom 3 (MVC3), and the hype is simmering and ready to resurrect like a Dark Phoenix.

with the help of all the most prominent players in the various Fighting Game Scene, players from Melty Blood, Arcana Hearts, BlazBlue, the old guards from Guilty Gear, Marvel Vs Capcom 2 as well as the enigmatic world warriors from the SF4 community, we're bringing it back with Marvel Vs Capcom 3!

and what better way to kick start this movement with a roaring rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen as the driving theme for the MVC3 Singapore scene, re-written/re-edited by Maltura Tyson, founder of the GFC (Gackt Fan Club) and Team Xialan's very own, Ore no Jonda-sama.

Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody (Rework For MVC3 Singapore)

-Intro-
Is this the real life?
Is this just MVC?
Train until Pang Sai
In front of my LCD
Open your eyes, fly up to the skies, spam beam
I'm just a poor dog, I have no PS3,
Because my assist come, assist go, blocking high, blocking low

Anyway the scene blows doesn't really matter to mee.... Play MvC!!!


-Verse-
Yama... just killed a Sent
Put a pipe into his head
Pull that combo now he's dead
Yama... Dante has a gun!
But now you gotta throw in Deadpool
Yamaaaaaa... ooooOOOooo (why you so "pro"?)
I didn't mean to call assist
Sometimes wished I never did called in Thor
Hello please, learn from Spore
It's a pity he's not in Singapore...


It's too late, Haggar Pipe has come
Hailstorm chisels down my life and
Viper's screaming all the time
Goodbye everybody
I'm gonna blow
Level 3 you all behind with Dormammu!
Yama, ooo ooooOOOooo(why so xialan?)
I don't want to fight
I sometimes wish I'd never did called in Tron…


*Dante Guitar Solo*


-Theatrical Part-
I see a giant silhouette of a Sent
What a douche, What a douche
Why the hell are you so tyco?
OPEN MOUTH GOT LIGHTNING
VERY VERY FRIGHTENING ME! :O
(Oh no)
GELLON LAI LO, GELLON LAI LO
GELLON LAI LO, GELLON LAI LO
GELLON LAI LO KI CHIA LO - Magneto-o-o


I'm just a poor dog no money buy PS3
He's just a poor dog, play game always salty
Spending his life playing MvC3
Assist come, assist go, will you tag me, no?
Similan! No, we will not tag you, no!
(Tag him, no!) Similan! We will not tag you, no
(Tag him no!) Similan! We will not tag you, no
(Tag me, no!) Will not tag you, no
(Tag me, no!) Will not tag you, no (Tag me, no) Ah
No, no, no, no, no, no,†
(Oh Yama BLP la, Yama BLP la) Yama BLP , tag me, no?
VXTHEDOG, kenna Haggar Piped and level threeeee, level threeeeee, LEVEL THREEEEEEE~!!!



-Rock Outro-
So you think you can pipe me and spit in my eyeeeeee
So you think you can pipe me and leave me to dieeeeeee
Ohhhhhhhhhh Mikey
Can't do this to me Mikey
Just gotta get out
Just gotta get that pipe outta here


Piping really matters...
Everyone can see
Piping plus Drone assists for.... OCVeeeeee...


(in soft whisper) Anyway the scene blows...

*Dante's Guitar Outro*

Food Xialan Episode 1: Team Xialan Brings You The Best of Food From All Around The Bugis Area.

here we go. this is the first episode of Food Xialan brought to you by Team Xialan, which is the weekly/daily/asandwhenifeellikeit food review section of all good food stuff to be found in the Bugis area when you're gaming.

of course, by default, the only place any BRAP3 (Bugis Real Arcade Pro 3) should be eating at is Seng Huat, but every once in awhile, the great Ore no Jonda-sama takes a walk into the deep blue, in search of better tasting food. today, i bring you:

Middle Road Prawn Noodle.



located at the back of Iluma, along the stretch of coffee shops housing the great Roast Duck Rice stall (which we'll talk about in another episode), this Prawn Noodles pack a hefty punch of prawns and pigs all in a $4 bowl of soup (note: no dry, only soup.) it has every thing you can think of in a pig... the meat, the liver, the intestines, the fats, the pai ku, the kidney, the smile and the wings... with some fishy prawns in a bowl of prawn broth. TOO GOOD. and what's better, only my third day of eating there and the aunty recognizes who i am. (but of course, the great Ore no Jonda-sama does not walk the streets of Bugis without hearing the whispers of a arhsshshshshshshs Jonda arshshshshshsh)

also note that, the Prawn Noodles are so intense they'll probably be sold out by 2PM. but it'll be back (shuffles back, shuffles front, chest pump.) every other day except Monday!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Rival Schools: GFC Vs LFC


it's the clash of rival schools between the Gackt Fan Club (GFC), fronted by Malto Maltura Tyson and the Leslie Fan Club (LFC), led by Ore no Jonda-sama!

-

an article by Malt, in regards to the formation and awesomeness that is the GFC.

I played Boxer in Vanilla back in 2008. As a beginner, I found him an easy character to pick up given the fact that he had simple bread and butter combos, good normals and juggle to ultra, a character with a gradual learning curve.

After months of mindless exdashupperingfromfullscreenfornoreason and heavyheadbuttingonwakeup, I was inspired by Raven's footsies/fruities/footage style play. I really liked that style and begun conditioning myself to playing that way (I didn't even know Boxer had a S.HK before that). In a way it helped me to better understand the game mechanics, spacing, and appreciate solid footsies when I come across them in matches (Momochi/Daigo) unlike in the past where I was only impressed when a player does something out of a flashy combo video.

"I will push you into the comma with my amazing fruities"
- An inspirational phrase by GacktSingapore (Top Ryu/Fei Long Player)

As time went by, the community gradually discovered new stuff, some even exclusive to SFIV, such as option selects, frame traps, safe jumps and plinking. I was so intrigued by the concept and eager to try it out but unfortunately Boxer wasn't really well equipped with the tools to perform these shenanigans as compared to the rest of the cast. So instead I spent my remaining days in Vanilla idolizing players who were able to do that and yeah, that's how the GFC (Gackt Fan Club) was founded.

Then SUPER came, I was floating in limbo, not able to find a main till only recently I found out that Sakura seems real promising. Uryo's record of a consistent 90% win rate was enough assurance to me that she has the potential to be TOP.

The great thing is that she's like a fusion of:

Boxer
-Solid normals
-Ability to play footsies
-Similar anti-air
-Juggle ultra.

AND

Ryu/Akuma
-Safe jumps
-Large variety of option selects
-Hard hitting one-frame combos(plinking)
-Good Frame trap setups
-Buffer c.mk Shoryuken
-Awesome mixup game
-Poh cancel (ex shoryu fadc)

Whats even greater than that is that it mirrors the fact that I "idolize" Gackt, coincidence or not, I still think its damn cool.

So yeah that's my choice of SFIV/SSFIV characters, and oh on a side note, if anybody wishes to join the GFC, there is a one time signup fee of $66, you will receive a goodie bag with various limited edition Gackt merchandise (T-shirts, water bottles, pom poms) and unlimited access to exclusive never seen before home made match videos and interviews with the top player himself. Feel free to contact me more about it in person or through PM, people without a sense of humor need not apply.


no chance in hell Ore no Jonda-sama would let the GFC outshine the LFC, hence, the NRVNSQ CHAOS himself launches a scanty reply to promote the LFC.

-

I played Honda in Vanilla back in 2008. As a beginner, I found him a dificult character to pick up given the fact that he had pig speed/dashes and only one combo, good normals but no juggle to ultra, a character with a steep learning curve.

After months of mindless exheadbuttingfromfullscreenfornoreason and buttsplashingonwakeup, I was inspired by Leslie's gantur/gangay/anti-climax style play. I really liked that style and begun conditioning myself to playing that way (I didn't even know Honda could push the joystick backwards to block before that). In a way it helped me to better understand the game mechanics, spacing, and appreciate solid footsies when I come across them in matches (Momochi/Namameso) unlike in the past where I was only impressed when a player does something out of a flashy combo video.

"Jusssst ting er yi lahhhhhhhhh"
- An inspirational phrase by the 450th Raven in Singapore, Leslie (Top Sagat/Sagat Player)

As time went by, the community gradually discovered new stuff, some even exclusive to SFIV, such as option selects, frame traps, safe jumps and plinking. I was so intrigued by the concept and eager to try it out but unfortunately Honda wasn't really well equipped with the tools to perform these shenanigans as compared to the rest of the cast. So instead I spent my remaining days in Vanilla idolizing players who were able to do that and yeah, that's how the LFC (Leslie Fan Club) was founded.

Then SUPER came, I was bursting out of limbo, able to find a main in Ibuki, whether or not she was real or promising. Acqua's record of a consistent 90% win rate was enough assurance to me that she has the potential to be TOP.

The great thing is that she's nothing like:

Honda
-limpy normals
-Inability to play footsies
-No decent anti-air
-Still no juggle into ultra.

AND

Sagat
-no tiger uppercut
-no tiger destruction
-no sei hi
-no angry scar
-no high/low tiger shots
-no tiger knee
-no eye patch

Whats even greater than that is that now i play a character that is the complete opposite of Sagat, in the hopes that one day i can stand tall beside my "idol" Leslie, do or die, I think we'll be damn cool.

So yeah that's my choice of SFIV/SSFIV characters, and oh on a side note, if anybody wishes to join the LFC, there is a one time signup fee of $64.95, you will receive a goodie bag with various limited edition Leslie merchandise (Fred Perry Polo Ts, Nasi Lemak Trucker Caps, Vuvuzelas) and unlimited access to exclusive never seen before home made match videos, msn chat logs and interviews with the top player himself, includes the secrets to his trademark last 30 seconds of match X-Factor, the LCB, Leslie Comeback, and how to perform it efficiently. Feel free to contact me more about it in person or through PM, people without a sense of humor need not apply.

amnesiac

in recent times, the pages have been burned by forest trolls, bitter about endings that were seemingly too realistic, too realistic. i promise you now, we're back on track, with the bombs, with the guns, and we're going out, setting ablaze the roofs and taps and sinks and maps. where have they been? gallivanting in the ocean with the whale. where have i been? scraping the sour off my monkey skin with rusted nails. but we're back. thank you. we're back. thank you. we'll slap that shit eating grind right off your face, mop the floor with it and reeducating you on the 101 reasons why you need Team Xialan in your life. i've got something for you pussyface, man up. if your hair is ugly, man up. if your dick is small, man up. hey fuck you dogspammer, why laugh with your mouth so wide it'd fit 10 hotdogs in when we're at it at someone else and whine to your mother when we're taking the shits on you. have yourself a sense of humour and man the fuck up.

our lives are a joke. not just ours, but yours too. we're just the ones laughing the loudest and taking the piss out on everything.