Wednesday, December 28, 2011

nononononono - Jon vs Spanish Jon

One Christmas morning, over very expensive and uninspiring Bak Kut Teh, we met the Spanish incarnation of a Vice Capt.

The similarities were uncanny.

You see, this drunken man, crashed our breakfast table, starting off with some compliments, which is all good, until he repeats it for at least 5 times throughout his brief inception.

(To Vx) - "You have a nice hat. It is very fashion. In Spanish, we call it "Attractivo.""

(To Hui Min) - "You have very nice hair. Where are you from?"

(To Jon) - "You are a nice guy."

He even comes with self-pity and crabbing... Telling us how he's lonely in Singapore as his family is back in Spain. And also how his girlfriend had broken up with him, 2 weeks ago. His crabbing lines were quite good, and I'm sure The Crabs would nod in approval.

"You know when you break up, you always say "fuckitfuckitfuckit" but when you give your heart to a girl, you give it, and even if you say "fuckitfuckitfuckit", you still feel break."

(To Vx) - "You have a nice hat. It is very fashion. In Spanish, we call it "Attractivo.""

(To Hui Min) - "You have very nice hair. Where are you from?"

(To Jon) - "You are a nice guy."

He told us to come to lunch with him. That he would treat us to some Chorizo. While I tried my best to ignore him, he commented, while watching me use my chopsticks gracefully, that he wants to learn how to use the chopsticks too.

"You know duckenoodle? You know? Oh C'monnnnnn you don't know duckenoodle?"

(It took us awhile to figure out, beneath his thick Spanish accent, that he meant "Duck Noodles.")

(To Vx) - "You have a nice hat. It's very fashion. In Spanish, we call it "Attractivo."

(To Hui Min) - "You have very nice hair. Where are you from?

(To Jon) - "You are a nice guy."

At some point, I must have felt that he was trying to come on to Hui Min, which Vx would argue that he was actually coming on to him, because Vx says, no Man on earth would nudge and tickle another Man constantly after every sentence. 

I think it was somewhere around here (Or maybe even earlier) that he started this high pitch delirious sounding way of saying "no", very fast and many times, much to the likeness of how I would imitate Mr. Alpaca's voice. Again, the many uncanny similarities. 

(To Vx) - "You have a nice hat. It is very fashion. In Spanish, we call it "Attractivo.""

(To Hui Min) - "You have very nice hair. Where are you from?"

(To Jon) - "You are a nice guy."

So I tried to shake him off by telling him that Hui Min and I are actually a couple and we plan to get married next year. Which made him rocket off his chair into celebrations. He declared to the entire coffee shop,

"I am very happy. Because this two, are getting married, here, at this restaurant. He is a nice guy. I am very happy. I want ask you all to lunch with me. You, your hat ah, you, uh-uh and you, why you laugh? why you laugh? you must all come for lunch with me."

He added,

"When you have children? 2 things very important. Music and Sports. When I was young, I played football, and I always put up my hands and nononononono you know? the ball go pass me and I put up my hands nononononono."

Ah! Music and Sports! This is my queue! I asked,

"So what club do you support?"

Spanish Jon replied, with a glimmer on his face.


I added,

"Ah! The Champions! Lionel Messi... Xavi Hernandez..."

Spanish Jon beamed bigger and brighter.

"Ahhh! You knows ah... He knows... He knows!"

I went on to tell him that I was a Liverpool fan. Which he said "No" , again, only this time, a little more firm. Reinforcing the fact that Barcelona are the best and the champions. But I had something to say about that...

"No no no... Liverpool beat Barcelona in the Champions League, remember? Craig Bellamy?"

*Short Pause*

"AHHHHHHHHHHH YESYESYESYESYES~!!! Hahaha... Ok guys, I'm sorry I am drunk. I will go now. You, very fashion, with the hat. You and you, I am very happy. Ok have a good night."

Vx and I...

"Alright, have fub Dude."


Merry Christmas and happy holidays.

Vise Vords from the Vice Capt. - Ninth Legion

Vice Capt. : I have low resistance to girls in tight one-piece black dresses.

A : Mmm...

(5 seconds later)

A : Actually, what dress isn't one-piece?

Saturday, December 24, 2011


Team 载我回啦!- Consisting of members from TXL, Teamchemist and Underwater World Singapore.

I got together with a few of my good friends from the FG Scene and played a roaring 5v5 the past Saturday or so... (It's a backdated update) We were really happy to placed Top 3 (We decided, together with the other 2 teams, to call it a draw and split the pot!) despite dropping early, and rather frustratingly, into the Loser's Bracket in the Opening Rounds.

My performance on that day wasn't anything to shout about as I played rather badly. However, my teammates quite simply were supersonic all throughout. Shoutouts to Sean and Clinton, mystery 5th member that cannot be named, and Jasper for the good times and cheers. It makes the world a less lonely place when you have friends cheering for you after every hit-confirm, every combo and every victory.

Team Rebel2 - Consisting of members from the BlazBlue scene + 1 other and a wild Jonda sliding in from half a yard away just to kuay their female player.

So while I was getting pissy after our early drop, I went around the area to check out what these BlazBlue dogs were up to. And like the true Vice Capt. that I am, I shamelessly named myself their 6th member and started cheering for their team (Or shit-talking the other team).

You see Yvonne in that picture? I famously lost to her when our teams met... Much to the approval or disapproval of the crowd that went "Eh you give chance ah?" and "Don't need to gentleman until like that leh."

Even Yvonne herself, after beating me in round 1, turned to me and said, "Don't give me chance, ok?"

I swear to God, be it casuals or tournaments, I hardly give anyone or anybody any "chance", regardless of race, language or religion... Especially race. Only on extreme cases like say, if I'm facing against an ant.

So for the record, she beat me, in a tournament setting, 2 rounds clean. She has improved tremendously from when she first started and I'm proud of her.


All in all, it was good times hanging out with friends. I had loads of fun shit-talking Clinton just before our tournament calling him our weakest link and constantly asking Brandon to sub in for him. He ended up winning more games than I did!

Pictures courtesy of Edmund Yeong Photography

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Calendar Girl

If I am lost for a day try to find me
But if I don't come back, then I won't look behind me
All of the things, that I thought were so easy
Just got harder and harder each day

December is darkest, in June there's the light
But this empty bedroom won't make anything right
But out on the landing a friend I forgot to send home
Who waits up for me all through the night

Calendar Girl, who's in love with the world, stay alive
Calendar Girl, who's in love with the world, stay alive

I dreamed I was dying, as I so often do
And when I awoke I was sure it was true
I ran to the window and threw my head to the sky
And said whoever is up there, please don't let me die

But I can't live forever, I can't always be
One day I'll be sand on the beach by the sea
The pages keep turning, I'll mark off each day with a cross
And I'll laugh about all that we've lost

Calendar Girl, who is lost to the world, stay alive
Calendar Girl, who is lost to the world, stay alive

January, February, March, April, May, I'm alive
June, July, August, September, October, I'm alive
November, December, yeah all through the winter, I'm alive

I'm alive

- Stars

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Vise Vords from the Vice Capt. - Eighth Gate

I love Fire Drills. It is that one time in life where everything comes to a halt, irregardless of however grave or mundane, like a suspension of sorts, a time-out. How often do you get to stop everything, just like that.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Look! They Are Friends! - Arpakasso vs Team Xialan

It was the Toy Catcher weekend with Team Xialan. 

BOSS Vx and the Vice Capt. Jonda Pamyu Pamyu faced off against two of the most ridiculously adorable things you could ever find under a giant 3-claw catcher, an Alpaca plushie named, Arpakasso.

"You may have caught me, but you'll never catch my friends! Hahahahaha..."

Round ONE: Alpacrab vs Jonda Pamyu Pamyu 

(Alpacrab  2 - 3 Jonda Pamyu Pamyu)

It all began, while en route to bowl, when we stopped by the Prize Stage at Marina Square, only because we had to go pass it. There, in that acrylic case, guarded by a giant 3-claw catcher and a prerequisite to catch a bigheaded hamster, laid 6 Alpacas.

"Alpaca! So cute!" said Sheena, Hui Min nodded in approval.

"This is easy. I've done this in under $10. If you really want it, I can get it." the Vice Capt. said, with confidence beaming from his nostrils and under his pants.

What proceeded was a back and forth walk of frustration between getting more change, flirting with the Staff, and watching the hamster drop on his head, only to bounce in the wrong direction. Alpaca went 1 - 0 up.

We stood by and watch other people try, only to come nowhere close. It was then, that the Vice Capt. summoned enough change and courage to go for round 2, but the hamster was having none of it, still bouncing the wrong way and out. The Staff was resilient in refusing the Vice Capt.'s kuay-ing advances, which further made the task increasingly difficult. Alpaca was now up with a commanding 2 - 0 lead.

We left dejected, into the bowling alley, though Hui Min was most madpiss out of the lot. We were pleasantly surprised to find that there were 10 people ahead of us and that it was virtually impossible to bowl.

While contemplating our next step, a great unjust was felt within the group. We hummed the tune from the machine, said "No, we wouldn't go back.", yet the idea, wouldn't leave us be. When Vx said that he had to make his exit, Hui Min, Sheena and I, looked at each other with only one objective on our minds: Catch Alpaca.

And so, we made our comeback.

This was most certainly going to be the final fight. The Vice Capt. still chucking them change, hamster still stubbornly falling all over the place but not into the hole. Kuay assisted, but not enough. With Sheena exhausted and the Vice Capt. on the verge of throwing a real fits, Hui Min became our last resort and got us the change we needed, and with that one push of the button, the machine came to a standstill. Lights went running around it, the claw started "clink-clanking" as if to signify an end of days. I turned to look at the Technician, he offered me no relieve. I look back at the claw and it suddenly hit me.

One simple word, set my mind free, there was no failure.


The claw went down, grabbed that hamster on it's sorry-ass and dumped it into the bin like a 3-pointer. We had won the war, Alpacrab was ours, though, he continues to mock me, up until this very day.

"You fool! Hahahahahaha..."


Round TWO: Mr. Alpaca vs Vx 

(Mr. Alpaca  0 - 1 Vx)

That was not the end of it. You see, Alpacrab had been separated from his best friend, and through his repeated mocking, I made it a promise to bring the other back. I summoned a wild Vx to meet me at Marina Square in 2 days time, to settle the score once and for all.

"Let's go live with the humans! Hahahahahaha!"

D-day came and Team Xialan was out and about. Vx started the morning madpissing, while the Vice Capt. went gym-ing to prepare himself physically, for the task at hand. While discussing our strats, I told Vx that if we hit the $30 mark, I would start kuay-ing the Staff.

We stood before the sacred machine. Vx with the first attack, only to suffer the same fate, of the hamster falling backwards, and away from the hole. With only $2 spent, Vx went into Maximum Kuay and flirted with the Staff like there was no tomorrow. 

But having made all the mistakes we could on the previous attempt, we came back here stronger and more prepared. 

As if the sexual harassment from one Vx on Maximum Kuay wasn't enough, the Vice Capt. turned up the heat with a Maximum Kuay of his own, and with their combined yandao-ness, devilish smiles and act-cute faces, the Staff was kuay-ed and could resist no longer. 

As though implying, "上我吧!" , She moved the hamster so much that at least all of it's head, was at the bin already, and all we needed to do was to grab it there, and it would fall over, willingly. 

With the claw in place, Team Xialan said their ceremonial victory words, "Have fub Dude." and Vx gave the final push to send it home. We had won, again, Mr. Alpaca was ours, and loving it.

"I'm fine with anything! Hahahahahaha!"


2012 is the year of the Alpaca.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Dear Diary, part IV

Dear Diary,

I'm very sad. Today, Jon and Vx took off their clothes and showed the Prize Stage Kuay their panties. I thought I was supposed to take off my clothes and show them my panties. I am disappoint.

Good night.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Free Hot

I am free as I am hot - With my good friends from Teamchemist - Took a shot to win a Lomo, shoutouts to product placement and how I can so cleverly place the prop over my own branding. 

Today, I played 8 hours straight of Fighting Games including a 2v2 tournament, stopping only for the toilet and rain-smelling.

3 different games with 3 different game mechanics and combos. From Push-Blocking to Plinking to Frame Trapping to Safe Jumping to Unblockables to Parrying, 3 different ways to break throws, 3 different games but they all require me to make decisions in milliseconds, 3 different games but they all require me to look at 10 different things within the game space but all at the same time, consistently press buttons in a specific series or order, some serious brain, eye and hand coordination and forcing the occasional clutch performances... All in 8 hours, straight.

I think I've fully exhausted my brain for a good weeks' worth. I can no longer think or access my rational mind, so much so that I believe, my grammar is suffering.